Hannelore & Me

Last night I was frustrated with being me. Following my surgery, I've become a bit of a hypochondriac. But that has kind of combined with a sense of impending doom. I worry about everything. I worry about my health and the health of my family. I worry about the house and the paperwork involved. I worry about driving and getting into an accident... including my 5 year old car. At any given moment during the day... I am usually worrying. Going to the gym has helped... but not enough... And when I don't go - for example this week because I'm in Toronto - it all comes rushing back. Last night was no exception. It doesn't keep me up as late but it's still there. I know medication is not the answer for me... At one time in my life it was... but it's not now. I just have to work through it I guess.

Hannelore is a character in a webcomic called Questionable Content. She has a bit of OCD... she worries about everything... I share her craziness. For Christmas Ian got me the Questionable Content book. The artist drew a picture of Hannelore on the inside cover and signed it with "To Brittany, someone to share your worries with..." It was very sweet~ Lately in the webcomic, Hannelore is branching out. She seems to be overcoming her issues... Maybe I should follow suit.. lol.

The thing that I need to remember is that I can't waste my life worrying. I can't change most things that I worry about. I can't change the fact that I won't have my permanent residency by the time our house closes. I can't change the fact that me or any one of my family members will get sick at some point in my life. When I worry I have two voices in my mind (yes I'm crazy) - one quietly worrying about x issue, one shouting furiously that I am being stupid. I KNOW it's not worth it. I spoke to a friend of mine this week... she told me that she's been living with a brain aneurysm since 2002. She worried herself sick over it. Her surgery was scheduled and all she did was worry about it. Then she met a doctor who basically said it's better to not have surgery. You can live with it and she has. If a person who has had a brain aneurysm for nine years can function without worrying, so can I! Extreme example of course... but I know that worrying does not change anything and it certainly does not help anything.