Fret Not

I knew that I shouldn't let the bad thoughts creep in. The scale proved me right this morning. 

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Brittany Upgraded By The Numbers 

Starting Weight: 308.2 

Starting BMI: 48.3

Current Weight: 294.4

Current BMI: 46.1

Goal Weight: 160

Oh The Sweat

21 Days In.

11.4 lbs Lost.

2,000,000 Gallons of Sweat.

Some days I feel like my progress is great. Other days I feel like I'm chipping pebbles off a mountain. I weigh-in on Wednesdays and Sundays. Getting to each of those days has been difficult because I'm just excited to see a new number each time. I patiently waited for Sunday to roll around and then I stepped on the scale. I had only lost 0.6. I want to slap myself for saying ONLY. It was 3 days since my last weigh-in and I lost that much. That's great! Considering my calories are set up to lose a safe pound a week. But for whatever reason it was disheartening. I know it takes hard work, self control and time. I'm just ready to see lower numbers. I was so irritable all day because Sundays are usually my 'grazing' day. Like a cow, I spent the whole day munching on different foods. I got irritable because I didn't allow myself to do that. Part of me was almost giving into temptation and giving up the fight. I was trying to give myself a reason to graze. "What's the point? You only lost 0.6 since the last weigh-in." Ridiculous nonsense.

So, I broke my rule of only weighing in on those specific days (self control is clearly not a strong suit of mine). I stepped on the scale this morning and I had lost another 0.6 - at this point I felt shame. Shame for being doubtful... Shame for almost giving in to temptation on Sunday... Shame in not believing in the process. I didn't mark this weight down in MFP. I don't want to go by the scale every single day. I want to mark down the little things that I see change. I'm sticking to only Wednesdays and Sundays.

The little things I see changing? My rings slip easily on and off most of my fingers. I feel weird not drinking a lot of water each day. My pants that are normally really tight.. feel a little looser. Little things. Big difference.

On a random note... I really wish everyone on MyFitnessPal wore a Polar H7 and tracked their calories that way... Reading that someone walked at a 2.5 mph, leisurely pace for 20 minutes and burned 450 calories is really hard to believe. No matter what weight you are. MFP is incredibly generous with calorie burn. 

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Brittany Upgraded By The Numbers 

Starting Weight: 308.2 

Starting BMI: 48.3

Current Weight: 297.2 (based on official weigh-in days)

Current BMI: 46.4

Goal Weight: 160 (? I should probably be more sure about this number)

What Success Looks Like

I'm not exactly sure. But today I had a surprise. It's been one piddly little week. One week of working out... eating smaller portions... not snacking as much... laying off of most sweets... no soda. And what do I have to show for it?

I've lost 6.8 lbs. When I stepped on the scale this morning, I was not expecting to weight 301.4 - more like 303..304... That's the biggest help I could have had. To show that in one teeny tiny week of trying.. I could lose almost 7 lbs. I know that it will probably never be this high of a loss again. But I needed to see that my effort wasn't wasted.

Motivations

I'm motivated beyond just the thought of.. "I WANT TO BE SKINNY". Honestly, I don't think I've ever truly had that thought. My thoughts have been more.. practical...? honest?

• I want to be healthy. I want to LOOK like I'm healthy.
• I want to know that I'm healthy. I am terrified that my weight will finally catch up to my health and I'll be in real trouble. I've gone through bouts of hypochondria and it is usually surrounding my weight issue.
• I want to wear the clothes that I want to wear. I will find something that is beautiful, my style but know that it would never look good on me... usually because of my middle.
• I want to get pregnant, have an issue free pregnancy and a healthy baby. It's my main motivation now. 
• Currently, every other thought is about my weight, appearance, and what other people are thinking. I want that to stop. I've made a few steps.. even last year to make myself more presentable and feel more comfortable. I'm wearing makeup again and actually caring what I look like. There are days where I don't... but everyone has those. 
• I want energy. Last year there were huge periods where I would have big highs and lows of energy. I want a consistent source. (I've cut out lots of sugar.. sodas... etc.)
• Lastly, I just want to be happy in my own skin. Period.

Reinforcement

A person I'm friends with on MFP posted something about cognitive behaviors. How they can affect your whole life... how they can help or hurt you without you even knowing it. I found this to be true because I know exactly what I would say to myself or not say to myself to make me eat more than I should.. or eat things that I shouldn't... or not eat at all. There were some "homework" at the end of it. Here it is:

• Write down and read your motivations for losing weight daily, or even more often!
• Give yourself credit for the right things you do to manage your weight - no matter how small. Write them down, review daily, and celebrate your successes!!! 
• Learn the ways you distort your thinking and practice changing those negative and unhelpful beliefs to more realistic and helpful thoughts. Be patient - all new skill take time to develop. 
• Practice, Practice, Practice the good thinking you have learned and soon, it will just be the way you think!

I'm going to try to complete some of this. First starting with motivations.

MyFitnessPal

It's funny that I started using the app late last year... and there was an article posted on NBC news regarding it. It's the highest rated tool outside of giving someone money to help you lose weight. I've take it seriously for 4 days now. I know.. 4 whole days. But they have been great. It's been easy to see where I am at and enter things. I don't have to go onto the website for a lot of the functionality because it's built into the app. The absolute best part - scanning a bar code for nutritional information = awesome.

New Year, New Me

I hate the cliche. But it's true. I am actually, formally, trying this time. I am drinking water. Tracking my food. Working out. Not munching because I'm bored.

I downloaded MyFitnessPal and I'm pretty happy with it. It would be FANTASTIC if it was partners with Digifit. But they compliment each other now.

Happy New Year!

I think 2012 was a fun year. Here's a quick list of notable events:

• Celebrated our 2nd Wedding Anniversary
• Ian turned 26
• We upgraded some items on the house - kitchen faucet, dining room lighting, general decor
• I got an Xbox and started dancing up a storm
• Started to explore our neighborhood
• Both of us were promoted at work
• Successfully executed Phase 1 of our landscaping project 
• I turned 30 *grumble* but my family came for the event so that was wonderful
• Enjoyed lots of football - Both of us saw our first NFL game. I finished 2nd in my work Fantasy league, 4th in the Zebra league and currently battling for 2nd place in my office pool. Ian was not a bridesmaid this year... but he wasn't the bride either. He finished 3rd in the Zebra league.

What's up for 2013?

• I'm going to Puerto Rico for my work meeting
• Ian is going to some resort for a work meeting
• May Trip to California - It's been far too long. We're going for Kelly's wedding but can't wait to spend a lot of time with my mom. 
• Big Birthday Bash for Coop - He's turning 5. Rumors are of an Angry Birds theme. 
• Christmas in California - Two trips to California in one year? Yeaaah baby! 
• More decorating... I'm going to let my crafty side out a little more to play. 

Happy New Year!! Here's to a productive 2013!